I recently was asked to be an usher at one of my good friends weddings. I will not say Fred Eck's name on account I don't want his name associated with anything I write, in case he loses his job and needs a new one in the future. In any event, I just wanted everyone to know that I am probably going to be the most important person at Fred's wedding. I come to this conclusion because I am smart and want a really good present. I was doing some research on the type of present an usher can expect to recieve for ushering, I came accross that "a nice way to thank them for all their help is to present them with a gift of engraved cufflinks at the rehearsal dinner or sometime before the wedding" I'm not saying I'm going to turn down engraved cufflinks, because god knows there are people in China that would kill just for one engraved cufflink. I don't want to be one of those people, but I feel beings I have the most important job, and this is true because I stated that in the begining of this post, thus making it fact, that I deserve the best and most expensive of gifts.
I don't think I am asking for to much. Think about what I have to do as opposed to everyone else(I am also assuming I am head usher, making me the boss of Chad) I have to arrive at my job (a.k.a. the ceramony) up to an hour early. I didn't even arrive to my own wedding that early. I have to make sure to seat all these people on the right sides. Fun fact, did you know there are two sides a "brides side" and a "grooms side" That's double the work of seating people. This is rediculous. I don't even think slaves (a.k.a. black people) had to work that hard. That's like asking a slave to pick two completely different cotton fields, one hundred miles apart, after having asked them to show up an hour early to work on Christmas. Do you get the picture I'm painting? Ushering is hard work, slave work, and I don't think I'm out of line when I ask for a present and a deposit on my labor that I will be giving for free. I mean I'm already showing up for work an hour early, don't you think I'm worth it. I do.
Anyway, the point I'm making is I just want a little recognition, a deposit, engraved cuflinks, power over Chad, a slave, and if it's no to much a thank you card. I just want my friend Fred to know how much I appreciate him and that is why I am willing to do this thankless job for nothing, and by nothing I mean for something.
I LOVE YOU FRED
2 comments:
You make excellent points, and I would like to also point out that on top of all that work, this is an Eck family wedding. So you also get the fun of "filling in the bride's side of the church".
See as the millions (and the Rock means MILLIONS) of the Eck family member begin to stream in you will notice that the "groom's side" will start to outway the "bride's side". Then someone will say "make sure you fill in the bride's side".
Then you have to make the awkward (but executive since you are in charge) decision of which of Fred's family members gets bumped to the bride's side so that the church is filled out evenly.
Its a big responsibility my friend, big, I hope you're ready for it.
One small note, do not bump Fred's Grandparents to the bride's side, it would be a little awkward.
/bitterness
Usher huh? That's awesome. And I'm guessing Justin and Matt are groomsmen. Cool. Chad's an usher too, i see. Right on. And that one guy Fred met that one time who lived down the street from him when he was 6 - he's probably an usher too, right? Neat.
Sounds like its gonna be an awesome wedding, with all Fred's REAL friends playing important roles. Man, it's gonna be a fun time in that group; the "inner circle" of Fred's friends, so to speak.
Hey, maybe if I'm lucky I'll get an invite to the reception or something! That'd be neat. Then maybe I could see you guys. But you'll probably be too busy with your important "inner circle" business to have time to talk to an "outsider" like me. I understand.
I'm glad Fred values people that abandon him, like Justin and Clint (and almost Chad), over people that will never leave his side (or city). I'm glad I know now where I stand.
/bitterness
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